Since 1694
Perpetuity Financial
Building debt that lasts generations
Product No. 1
ETERNADEBT® LIFE INSURANCE
Finally, a life insurance policy that's honest about what we're all doing here. You're placing a bet against your own life. You win when you lose! Your death has market value, and we've already calculated it.
Product No. 2
MORTGAGE FOREVER®
Why own when you can owe? For the next 30 years (or 40, or 50), you'll pay us interest on money we created out of thin air. By the time you "own" your home, you'll have paid us three times what it cost. That's not a bug, it's a feature.
We profit from your obligations
Your debt is our asset.
Your payment is our income.
Your freedom is our risk.
Product No. 3
COLLEGE LOAN PERMANENCE®
Educate yourself into servitude! Invest $200,000 in yourself and spend the next 25 years paying us back with interest. By the time you're done, your degree will be obsolete, but your debt will remain fresh and relevant.
Generations
750+
Families we've kept in perpetual debt
Year Founded
1694
When we figured out the perfect system
Debt Dependency Rate
99.8%
Of our clients remain in our system
Product No. 4
RETIREMENT MIRAGE®
Save for 40 years. Maybe afford healthcare. Watch the market carefully. Hope nothing crashes. Transfer your anxiety from "how will I pay rent" to "will my 401k last." Same stress, different decade!
Why Perpetuity?
Other financial institutions say:
"Build wealth for your future"
"Secure your family's tomorrow"
"Invest in yourself"
"Financial freedom"
"Peace of mind"
We're honest. We say:
"Stay in debt forever"
"Financialize your mortality"
"Invest in us, indefinitely"
"Freedom is a myth, debt is real"
"Managed anxiety"
Bundle & Save
Purchase all four products and receive:✓ A free tote bag that says "I'm Financially Responsible!"
✓ A slowly dawning realization that you've traded your entire life for the promise of security that never arrives
✓ 0.5% off your total perpetual debt obligations*Savings calculated over infinity. May not apply to your lifetime.
What Our Clients Say
"I used to worry about death. Now I worry about death responsibly."
James P.
Age 63
"I signed without reading. Seemed faster."
Margaret S.
Age 51
"The terms were clear once I stopped trying to understand them."
Robert M.
Age 34
Let's Make it official
Reach out. We'll help you see that you don't really have a choice in the nicest way possible.
© 1694-∞ Perpetuity Financial. All rights reserved in perpetuity.This is a work of satire. Any resemblance to actual financial institutions, living or dead, is entirely intentional.